


Illogical

by jane_x80



Series: Nothing Like the Sun (or Kirk's Eyes) [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Blue Eyes, Canon Temporary Character Death, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: Spock's thoughts on Kirk's blue eyes over the years.





	Illogical

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into the Star Trek fandom so please be gentle. Spoilers for Star Trek (2009) and Star Trek: Into Darkness, but no direct references to Star Trek: Beyond.
> 
> Also I may have an unhealthy obsession with Kirk's eyes. This one is from Spock's POV. I have also written fics about Kirk's eyes from McCoy's, Uhura's and Kirk himself's POV.

He told himself that everything about the man was illogical, from his crazy, yet brilliant ideas to his seemingly always sunny approach to life. Despite all that he’d been through, the man’s insistence on his disbelief of no-win scenarios were completely unrealistic and most definitely illogical. And yet at this point, this insistence was legendary and perhaps not altogether inaccurate, given the persistence and success that the man had in overcoming all adversity. It was completely illogical. The man was completely illogical.

But worse of all, what he found most illogical was his own inability to stop thinking about those haunting eyes. _Bezhun*_. It should just be a part of his anatomy, a twist of genetics that the _za-tol**_ gave him those blue eyes as well as the light hair.

He had thought that blue was just a color. And colors were merely the quality of an object or substance with respect to light as determined visually by measurement of hue, saturation, and brightness of the reflected light. It was illogical to append any meaning to the color of a person’s eyes, as that was based solely on genetics or genetic engineering. And assigning emotions to colors was quite illogical. Certainly, the uncountable poems and stories that have been written based upon the color of a person’s eyes were the epitome of the lack of control and rampant emotionalism of so many sentient beings in the universe.

But then he had been forced to change his mind. He had had to change his mind about color being unemotional when those blue eyes lit on him for the first time, at the hearing for the way he had circumvented the Kobayashi Maru exam and won the scenario, even though he had failed as was expected of every candidate, his first two tries. Those eyes had focused on him, and at first he had thought they would be filled with arrogance at having beaten the unbeatable, and won the unwinnable, but instead, those eyes, those ethereal eyes, those blue, blue eyes had been filled with grief at the thought of a no-win scenario. And when he had been reminded of his father, who had died in a real life no-win scenario, those cerulean orbs had narrowed in barely restrained anger.

When they were on the bridge of the Enterprise, and those blue eyes were focused and intense as he passionately threw out his proof to Pike and the bridge crew that they were warping into a trap, and despite the heightened emotion in the exchange, his logic had been sound. And when they had come out of warp into that terrible graveyard of Starfleet ships, back when Vulcan-that-was still was, and back when his mother was still alive, he had glanced at the man, blond hair shining, contrasting starkly against the black regulation undershirt that he wore, and Kirk’s eyes had been bleak and determined, completely devoid of satisfaction at being right, instead focusing on what they had lost. Because how could anyone look at that awful sight, at the sight of so many starships – so many of their friends, their classmates, their family – dead in space, broken into pieces like old sailing ships of yore, dashed upon rocks during a storm and feel anything but devastation? And yet Spock had been unable to stop noticing those remarkable eyes, taking in the terrible sight before them.

And over time, Spock had seen so many different views of those eyes, eyes the color of the waters of the Caribbean sea on a sunny day, eyes like the blue of the endless skies of Risa, eyes that seemed to glow in the dark, their brightness never dimming.

And yet, whenever Kirk turned those eyes on him now, his gaze disturbingly intense as he tried to talk Spock into whatever new adventures that he wanted to take the crew on, Spock was filled with the memory of those otherworldly eyes as the light faded from them, and the hand on the glass slid down, his fingers that had only seconds ago shaped the ta’al, matching his own hand on the glass, now nerveless, the sound of flesh sliding down the glass, only discernible to his Vulcan ears, obscene and awful and final. The sound a death knell. But it was those eyes, now staring, unseeing, the intelligence and spirit that had burned brightly behind them forever snuffed out that stayed with him, through the rage and the madness that followed.

But it hadn’t been forever. They had brought him back from the dead, McCoy being the proverbial mad scientist had placed Kirk into a cryotube and Uhura had stopped Spock from killing Khan whose blood ended up saving Kirk.

When they had returned, the sight of Kirk lying in the cryotube had made him vomit. Vulcans were practically incapable of regurgitating half-digested consumables in that way, another reminder of his half-human ancestry. The sight of Kirk dead in the cryotube had induced such a violent reaction out of him. He could not imagine his reaction had McCoy or whoever else not closed Kirk’s eyelids, shutting away those awful accusing eyes. And then Kirk had come back to life. Spock had been there when he awakened in the biobed, and the first thing that came to mind – illogically – was the feeling of relief, and gratitude, and an almost overwhelming feeling of joy, when those eyes opened and once again, those brilliant blue eyes, eyes that had last been vacant and lifeless the last time he had seen them, were again filled with that indomitable spirit, that fire that burned within that made him seem invincible.

But he _wasn’t_ invincible. And of course Spock knew that because invincibility, especially for a human, was impossible and quite illogical. Spock himself had seen him die. Had been there in person and seen those – if he could be forgiven for this illogical flight of fancy, he was after all only half Vulcan – _ghostly_ blue eyes devoid of life. Yet he had cheated death and now those eyes were vibrant again.

Spock had never understood what the Terran term ‘puppy dog eyes’ meant until Kirk turned those impossible eyes of his on him, wide-eyed and pleading. And after he’d seen them staring at nothing in that warp core, his body lifeless and still, he found it practically impossible to deny any of Kirk’s requests. Especially when Kirk gave him said ‘puppy dog eyes’. It was completely and utterly illogical.

However, if he did not maintain his Vulcan façade of logic and an absolute lack of emotion, he would deprive himself of the exasperation in Kirk’s blue eyes as he countered all of the man’s arguments with as much logic as he could muster, or if he sided with Kirk against McCoy and gave his logical and unemotional – yet somehow snarky – opinion, then he would be treated to twinkling and amused eyes and barely stifled chuckles. He couldn’t deny that those occasions made him feel warm inside, illogical as that was.

What he _longed_ to see though, were if those eyes would turn indigo or even completely dark, if Kirk would ever look at him, pupils blown wide with lust.

But longing was illogical.

Yet he was only half Vulcan. And illogically, he was more than emotionally attached to those beautiful eyes, eyes that only pre-Surakian love poetry could do justice to describe. And if he could bear to be honest with himself, he was also more than a little emotionally attached to the owner of those eyes. It was illogical. And fascinating.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations from Vuhlkansu is taken from the Vulcan Language Dictionary.
> 
> * bezhun - eye  
> * za-tol - recessive gene; gene that produces its characteristic phenotype only when its allele is identical, e.g. "The recessive gene for blue eyes"  
> * ta'al - hand salute; the Vulcan hand-greeting/salute
> 
> I actually binge watched/listened to all three Star Trek reboot movies while writing these, unlike my usual habit of listening to music.
> 
> Apologies if Spock was OOC or his thought/speech patterns not up to snuff. It's my first try. I'm working on it. :)


End file.
